


the bitch to my bagel

by felixsfreckles



Series: loving felix hours :')) [15]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Emetophobia, M/M, Multi, but comfort after traumatic experience, chan throws up, everyones dating lmao, felix has an anxiety attack, felix has emetophobia, im so sorry felix, not like hurt and comfort, poor baby, seungjilix besties wbk, they all take care of lix so well ugh, this is definitely me projecting onto felix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26941888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felixsfreckles/pseuds/felixsfreckles
Summary: where chan throws up and felix can't handle it.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin/Lee Felix, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)/Everyone, Lee Felix/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, Lee Felix/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Stray Kids Ensemble/Everyone
Series: loving felix hours :')) [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797898
Comments: 10
Kudos: 222





	the bitch to my bagel

**Author's Note:**

> tw// emetophobia (thr*wing up) and anxiety attack 

  
it was just another day of practice, and everything should've felt normal. the same songs, same choreographs, same room. so why did felix feel so on edge? 

it was hard to concentrate when felix was constantly seeing chan's abnormally pale face from the corner of his eye. the members all tried to get their leader to take a break that day— though being the person he is, chan insisted he was fine.

he was not fine.

chan looked god awful, he was breaking out into a cold sweat and looked like he would pass out with every next step he took. not to mention the look on his face and his trembling breaths that showed how nauseated he felt.

felix could feel the room closing in on him slowly. it wasn't that he'd caught chan's illness because he made sure to keep a good distance between each other. the blonde boy's hands began to clam up and he couldn't concentrate at all, stumbling around during every dance.

the member's looked worried, but felix assured them he wasn't sick, though with the way he was looking and acting, he might as well have been.

it was the middle of district 9 when it happened. district 9, the devil's choreo. no one liked to perform it, and the only reason they had to was to keep them on their toes, make sure they were still in shape and able to complete their hardest dance to date.

they'd just gotten past the first chorus and felix could already feel the burn in his lungs, so it was hard to imagine what chan was feeling right now.

well, not _too_ hard to imagine as he rushed off to the side, where felix was coincidentally closest to, and emptied the contents of his stomach.

while the members rushed to go help him, felix froze.

_you're the closest to him, shouldn't you be the first to help?_

but he couldn't. felix shut off, not moving an inch from his previous pose. his eyes were clenched shut and his hands thrown over his ears in an attempt to block any sounds out. felix held his breath, desperately trying not to breathe in any of the contaminated air, despite the way his lungs were giving in.

the walls were caving in and he would be trapped in a room with a sick man and contamination. felix could feel his fingernails dig into his palms so deeply that he was sure it would draw blood. the air was getting thicker, and felix was feeling fainter by the moment.

he could feel an unnerving lump in his throat that sat uncomfortably— no amount of swallowing would push it down. the blonde's eyes were beginning to water through closed lids, and he could see black dots cloud his vision even more than before.

felix's heart pounded rapidly in his chest, and he willed himself to move, but to no avail. tons of panicked thoughts flowed through his head in a never-ending mantra.

it felt like it had been hours of felix standing frozen, though he knew it'd only been a minute or so. at this point, it would either be his lungs, legs, or the tears he'd been holding back about to break down first.

_please move. just move. get the fuck out of here. move your fucking legs felix. do something. do anything. i can't stay in this room. let me out. let me out. let me out. let me out. let me out. let me out. let me ou—_

"hey felix, can you pass the me towel over there?" minho's voice broke through the persistent battle in the young boy's head.

felix's eyes snapped open, and it was like his body had gained control again. but one look at chris and the pool of vomit sitting next to him, was all it took for felix to bolt.

no one had noticed the breakdown that felix was going through in the practice room, which was okay to felix because they were focusing on their leader. the one who gives and gives but won't ever let you give back. the one who sacrifices everything for them, expecting nothing in return.

felix felt awful. he could still feel their expectant stares on him, and he couldn't do anything but run.

_you're so useless. channie hyung has been nothing but good to you, and when he needs you, you leave him. why couldn't you help like everyone else?_

felix ran and ran as far as he could, holding his breath for as long as they would allow him. the australian's knees were buckling and it wasn't long before he collapsed into a heap of messy limbs and shuttering breaths on the hallway floor.

it didn't matter how tight he shut his eyes, because behind closed lids, the image of their eldest throwing up in the practice room replayed in his mind like a broken record.

felix rubbed harder and harder at his eyes, trying desperately for the images and voices to stop plaguing his brain.

_you can't do anything right, huh. not even take care of your own fucking leader. get a grip on yourself, lee felix. you're so pathetic. imagine the germs all of your body, crawling on every surface of you—_

"hey, are you alright?"

felix's thoughts halted at the newly found voice that was drenched in concerned.

 _sounds just like channie hyung, the one you couldn't take care of._ a sinister part of felix's brain thought.

felix looked up and tried desperately to identify the oh so familiar voice, though tears clouded his vision, preventing him from doing so. 

"it's me, brian. you're felix, right?" of course, how could felix not realize. brian, the one that chan looked up to and gushed about constantly. brian, the one who felix passes by in the hall occasionally. brian, the nicest guy you could ever meet and will always make you feel welcome.

 _oh i must've collapsed right in front of their practice room_ felix thought to himself, _why do you have to cause trouble to everyone._

"i can hear you overthinking, what's up?"

felix let out a shaky breath, biting the inside of his cheek to contain the whimpers that were about to slip out. 

"chris," he started, and immediately regretting it as the worry on brian's face only tripled. felix couldn't get the words out, and turned to gestures instead.

"he threw up?" there was no malicious intent behind the older's words, but felix flinched at the small mention of what he feared so much.

by now, brian must've realized what was going on and offered a hand out to felix, the boy couldn't take it however. the mere thought of physical contact with another person was enough to throw him back into the frenzy that he pushed himself into. 

luckily, brian understood and resorted to encouraging words— which felix thanked god were in english because his scrambled brain couldn't comprehend anything else at the moment. he could faintly hear someone call out for brian but the canadian made up some random excuse. and honestly, felix could not have been more glad for the older at this time. 

eventually, the small boy managed to push himself onto two shaky legs. if it had been any other situation, he'd laugh at the uncanny resemblance he shared with a newborn deer. slowly, the two maneuvered their way to the nearest bathroom where the australian rushed over to the sink to scrub his hands and arms until they were red and raw.

once felix's mind stopped itching with the constant thought to cleanse himself of the nasty invested germs that were clinging onto him, he splashed his face with some water a couple more times.

"thank you so much, hyung." with that, felix bowed an entire 90 degrees, "i'm so sorry you had to see me like that." blood rushed down to his face, it could've been from the position he was in or the sheer embarrassment— it was mainly the latter, but who could tell.

he could hear the older's arms waving around as he tried to get felix upright while still giving him space, "it was no problem! you've seen me after four shots of tequila and that was way worse." his tone dropped into something more serious, "but if you ever need help again, call me up." 

felix sent him a grateful smile, and bowed a shit load more times after— to which brian started panicking again. 

"you should get back to your group, they've been blowing up your phone." felix pulled his phone out of his pocket, and to his surprise, he had a ton of missed calls from everyone. 

"again thank you so much for today, i'll stream your next comeback for sure!!" with one last laugh, brian waved him goodbye and felix sprinted back to the dorms. 

it was only until he actually reached the door before doubtful thoughts began to fill up his head again. felix winced at the growing migraine stemming from the base of his head, and tried to bring a hand to the doorknob.

_'what if he's still sick in there?' i don't think i could handle it again. but they might be worried about you. no, they should be more worried about chan right now. just stop being a baby and open the fucking do—'_

before he could finish the thought, the door swung open to reveal a very dishevelled jisung. when he saw felix, his face lit up but quickly melded into concern. 

felix could understand why, he looked pretty roughed up— hair tossed around, eyes red rimmed, and lips bitten swollen. hell, his entire face was probably redder than rudolph's nose. he either looked like he'd just gotten a good dicking, or that he'd been crying his eyes out, and it wasn't hard to tell which one it was.

jisung threw his arms around felix and sighed in relief, "thank god you're here. where were you, we were all so worried when you disappeared." 

felix wanted to answer, but his arms went stiff by his sides, palms beginning to sweat nervously again. "i love you sungie, but please, can you let go?" 

jisung looked hurt, but the same concern flooded his face. "is something wrong, lix?" 

"i'll explain later. is chan hyung alright now?" the question sounded innocent to jisung, so his answer wasn't exactly sugar coated. 

the older shook his head, "he's been throwing up every since we got back. it's pretty bad." and felix wanted to go in and comfort their boyfriend, but ever fibre in his body was screaming to run. 

the freckled boy let out a nervous laugh that thinned out towards the end, "oh, i don't think i can go inside." sensing the upcoming questions, felix quickly dropped his head and mumbled, "emetophobia."

jisung wasn't an idiot. although he didn't know exactly what it meant, he could pretty much guess what it was from his boyfriend's behaviour. jisung nodded understandingly, "you want to get some fresh air? i'll come with you."

felix's head shot up at the kind response, and he nodded feverishly. "that would be really nice, but shouldn't you be taking care of channie?" 

jisung waved a hand, "he has the other members, it's okay." then his tone turns more stern, "but i think you need some company right now. you worry too much about others, baby. take care of yourself too." 

felix stared down at the floor. if he had ears right now, they would be pressed flat against his head in submission. "can you bring minnie too?" his voice was small, as if he didn't want to offend jisung and think his presence wasn't enough.

the brunette understood though, although they were all connected in one big love octagon, it was clear that seungmin and felix knew each other on a deeper level. so much so that he didn't have to ask for which 'minnie'. 

"of course, i'll make sure he washes his hands and changes before coming out. you want a change of clothes too, sunshine?" 

and felix lee could not feel any more love and appreciation for his boyfriend in this moment. he would honestly kiss the daylights out of the older if it hadn't been for the situation they were in—and felix made sure to voice this out to jisung.

the rapper laughed heartily, and felix admired his cute smile for just a second too long to be platonic— though they're literally dating, so it doesn't matter. 

"can you bring _the_ hoodie?" the hoodie was a shared communal hoodie that probably belonged to changbin at some point. it was oversized on even their broadest boyfriend so it absolutely swallowed felix— and he loved it. the scents were a combined smell of every member's body spray or natural scent, but to felix it smelled like home.

jisung saluted and marched into the dorms like he was a soldier on the battle field. felix laughed at the boy's antics, but was extremely grateful nonetheless. 

a couple minutes and a few breathing exercises later, the door opened again with jisung and seungmin following. in the younger's hand was the black hoodie and felix brimmed with excitement. 

felix looked up at them and noticed their damp hair. "did you two shower?" 

the two nodded like obedient puppies, and felix could honestly cry at how much he loved them. "you didn't have to do that." he gasped, going forward to hold their hands now that they were clean. 

jisung and seungmin blew him off, "anything for you, lix." seungmin smiled cheekily, though felix could tell how genuine he was.

with that said, jisung pulled off the black hoodie that was slung over his shoulder and handed it to felix. the younger perked up at the mere sight of it, and immediately went to breathe in the comforting scent. thankfully, they'd just done the laundry and it was freshly washed— evident by the soft smell of downy detergent. 

without another word, felix pulled his loose white t-shirt clean over his head, rendering him shirtless in the middle of the hall. his boyfriends eyes widened as they scrambled to cover the boy. 

the hoodie was over his head in a flash, and felix allowed himself to bask in the warmth for a moment before grabbing seungmin's hand in his right, and jisung's in his left and skipping off for the exit.

the two smiled at the action, and jisung skipped along. seungmin, though with more hesitation, eventually gave in and did the same. 

they didn't go too far, just to the vacant playground five minutes from the building. words were unspoken, but traditions held strong as the three immediately sprinted for the swings. and though felix doesn't know this, the two boys slowed a bit at the end, letting the excited boy win.

it was all worth it, for felix's smile was absolutely devastating. it radiated warmth and happiness, with all the stars pulled into his eyes, overflowing onto his face in the form of his lovely freckles.

but the cute scene ended here as felix maneuvered himself into the baby swing, which surprisingly fit him. "that's a big baby," felix muttered under his breath as he slid in, to which seungmin let out a snort. 

in true baby fashion, felix threw his arms forward, and reached in jisung and seungmin's direction with grabby hands.

jisung surged forward, "awh, our little baby lixie," he cooed, slightly larger hands encasing the tiny pair. and so, seungmin and jisung took turns pushing him as high as they could— which proved to be really fucking high as felix almost flipped over the top bar multiple times, his squeals loud and constant. 

at last, they decided it was time to head back and felix looked like he had lost it. his hair sat a mess at the top of his head, and the tip of his nose was red from the cold winds— though the smile blown out on his face made everything seem better.

but then the smile on his face dropped.

"guys, i can't get out."

after some tugging and pulling, they managed to get felix out of the swings. "guys, i'm telling you. my ass is just way too fat for those swings." felix exclaimed as they walked back to the dorms. 

it'd been getting dark, and no one liked to be out past dinner, honestly. "mhm, sure keep telling yourself that, lix." seungmin laughed, an arm slithering out to grab the boy's hand, which caused felix to reach out for jisung's just to make sure no one was feeling left out.

once they neared the dorms, thumbs began to run on the back of felix's hand. the small circles were comforting, and allowed him to ease his breathing. 

"you alright to go back? i called changbin hyung and he said everything was fine now." jisung 's voice was soft, and his eyes were even softer as they gazed at felix with all the love he could hold. 

"of course you don't have to," seungmin piped up from his other side, eyes just as endearing. with all the love and comfort from his boyfriends in the world, the blonde felt like he could do anything. 

he shook his head with a small smile, "thanks for worrying, i think i'll be fine." though some small part inside of him just felt bad for dragging the two out and wasting their time. 

the reached the dorm, and seungmin used his free hand to turn the knob slowly, pushing the door open gently. to felix's surprise, everyone, excluding chan, were on their hands and knees scrubbing the rooms clean. 

this was the shock of the century as none of them would willingly clean. the first one to notice their presence was hyunjin, who was in the midst of cracking open a window. his face lit up when he saw the trio, and rushed over to them, the sound of his slippers pattering against the floor.

"lixie!" with his arms thrown wide, he went to engulf felix, but suddenly stopped last second, "wait, shit i shouldn't do that right." but felix wasn't having any of that. he gently pulled his hands out of their grasp and softly pushed himself into hyunjin.

the taller froze for a second before proceeding to wrap his arms around the smaller boy. the hug was floaty, and there were clear boundaries set, which felix appreciated, but it was just as comforting nonetheless. 

and so slowly, the boy went around the dorm, hugging all his boyfriends and relishing in the different effects they had. 

jeongin sweetly set a hand on lix's head, running it through some strands occasionally. changbin pulled felix into the warmest hug whilst whispering reassuring words. lastly, minho who never expressed his emotions much, was very clearly worried for the younger. he ran a hand up and down felix's back and cooed much like he does to his cats. 

after the hug session, felix decided to visit his poor boyfriend, chan. 'it'll be alright, it's all over now.' he consoled and with a determined look on his face, felix stepped into the room that held the sick boy. 

the room smelt just as chan always did— a little mustier, sure, though still familiar. "hey channie, how're you feeling?" felix asked with a small voice, going to sit down beside the lump on the bed.

a tiny head poked out, eyes wide, "lix shouldn't you be— y'know, far away from me?" his voice was hoarse and deeper than usual. felix internally cursed all his boyfriends for being so sweet and caring, "mm maybe but your my boyfriend and i love you, so no." the blond hummed, toying with chan's fingers. 

"plus, i shouldn't let my dumb fears get in the way. m'sorry for not being able to take care of you." felix mumbled, voice dripping with regret.

the hand intertwined with his, finger tapping on the back of his hand as a warning, "hey, it's not dumb. i had all minho, changbin, jeongin, and hyunjin to take care of me anyway. don't bring yourself down, pixie." his eyes locked with felix's, and the younger could tell they were burning with sincerity. 

"plus," chan continued, "i should've been more aware of where i was throw— wait i mean water falling." 

felix snorted at the word choice, and swatted at chan, "you can't control where you water fall in that moment, silly." 

and in that moment, chan looked at felix with the most genuine gaze, "and you can't control your fears in that moment." chris went silent and let that settle into felix's head for a moment before opening his arms wide, "now c'mere."

felix gladly accepted the cuddles, and immediately started to become drowsy. it was so incredibly warm, especially with chan's body heat along with the big sweater he was still drowning in. 

the older dropped a small kiss on felix's forward, "i brushed my teeth."

"i love you." felix dropped in suddenly, voice coming out mumbled from his spot against chan's broad chest. 

" 'course, and i love you too, pixie." 

felix began to doze off, feeling over brimmed with every positive emotion you could think of; and if he heard the door slowly drift open, followed by the weight of six new bodies on the entirely-too-small bed, he didn't say anything. 

**Author's Note:**

> ohoho look who finally finished a fic 
> 
> so the emetophobia part was based off my own experiences but jus a little boosted ykyk anyway im glad u made it through this fic !!
> 
> lmao idk why i added brian, my heart told me to
> 
> theres been a case of covid at my school so pls pls pls stay safe ily <3


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